The “Old Main” building at the campus of West Texas A&M University before construction of the fountain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Could it actually be happening? After 13 years, I may actually be going back to West Texas A&M University to finish college. I’m cautiously optimistic this is going to happen. I’m the type of person that won’t believe it’s happening until a few weeks into it. Silly paranoia.

So yesterday I went to the WT campus. I follow my alma mater online and I can see all the renovations and construction underway. It was a little weird actually seeing it in person. There was this flood of memories from my days on campus. I remember my old haunts, my old friends, most that I haven’t seen since I left back in 1999.

And now everything is so different, and yet so familiar. Several of the old building are gone, replaced with newer structures, but most of the buildings are still there. The hardest thing about going back is that I probably won’t be seeing any familiar faces. But I guess after 13 years, I probably shouldn’t see any.

The reason for my visit yesterday was to turn in some paperwork to the financial aid office. I should have done so months ago, but I was uncertain whether or not I was actually going to go through with it. I still held out hope that I could find a job and move back to the Dallas area where I’ve lived for twelve years. But it was not meant to be.

Or maybe it was.

Charles Goodnight statue outside of the Panhandle-Plains Historical Museum at the West Texas A&M University campus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like I said I was turning in paper work and I talked to one of the workers in the office. Apparently, and this is what worried me and kept me from coming back for years, you can only get so much financial aid before you are cut off. It’s actually a good law to keep people from going to college indefinitely.

So my magic number is 180 hours. I can only receive aid to go to school for 180 hours. That’s a lot of hours, especially considering for a General Studies degree you only need 120 to graduate. What’s the problem?

First, I lack 17 hours to graduate. Second, since I switched majors from music, a lot of those credits are no longer valid to receive my degree, but they count towards my 180 hours for financial aid. Also I was terribly irresponsible. I have attempted 163 credit hours, exactly 17 hours away from the magic 180 hours. Sadly I’ve only earned 127 hours due to dropping classes, and failing a few due to being an idiot.

But still, 17 hours left, and I have 17 hours of financial aid. What a coincidence. One can almost call it divine providence if one so chose to. And I think I will. Knowing that I am so close to graduating has bothered me for over a decade, and I just let it be. Between working, getting married and getting divorced, trying to pick myself up again only to be made a fool again by that stup…

*breathe*

I’ve let other things become a priority. Maybe I’m being directed to do this for me. Maybe it’s time to stop doing things for other people, trying to live for other people, trying to fit into a mold that is ill-fitting just because I think that’s what people expect of me. Maybe I need to put me first, and finishing my education might set me on the right path.

I lack one core curriculum course, 4 hours of science. The other 13 hours are electives. I think I am going to take some literature classes.maybe a writing class. It just depends on what’s open, and what is available to take. I really want to be done by the summer.

I should have been done a long time ago. I misspent my time there and now I’m paying the price for my immaturity. Sometimes we get a second chance in life to correct those mistakes, and this is one of those times, at least for me. I have to take advantage of it. Who knows where it’ll take me. I just hope that it propels me forward. Being stuck in this never-ending rut is killing me.

So if my aid comes through, I’ll be back to school on Monday. I’ll let you know if it happens. I thought about starting a new blog to document my adventure back to school, but instead I may do so here. I’ll do a weekly feature every Friday about my progress, or lack thereof. Here’s to praying that it all comes together! Wish me luck!