”If your going through hell, keep going.”
In fifteen days, I will celebrate my two-year anniversary of getting my divorce finalized. I say celebrate because how else do you express the joy of being liberated from hell? It really was the day when I was saved from a lifetime of misery and damnation.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a painful experience, and it’s not something I’m proud of. As a Catholic, divorce is quite the taboo subject, and though I am in communion with the church since I haven’t gotten remarried, the fact that I’m divorced could become problematic were I to find a special someone. I’ll be fine to marry again as soon as I go for an annulment, but that’s a topic for a future post. Way, way in the future.
If you were to look back two years, really about two and a half since I founded this blog, you would notice a markedly different writer. If you want to look at some of what I had to say, knock yourself out, but I’d leave it alone. I refuse to delete those posts, but it’s not something I look at anymore. It’s too painful.
My divorce in August of 2011 marked the beginning of one of the most painful chapters of my life. It’s something that had no reason to transform me, seeing as how me and my then new girlfriend were only together for six months. For some reason, the experience became imprinted in me to such a degree that it changed who I am, and not really for the better. The change is something I’m still struggling with, although it’s not as invasive as it once was.
So I believed that the month of August would forever be linked with the failure of my marriage and the beginning of the end of the relationship with the one who promised to be a better partner than my wife. Any of you who met her can laugh now. I know, I was wrong. Way wrong. Live and learn.
Friday I get the rehabilitate the tarnished month, and instead of focusing on the negative, I will now celebrate a personal triumph. August 2011 = Divorce. August 2013 = My College Graduation. It took two years, but I went from a personal low to a high. Can’t keep me down!
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
In looking at these two years, I fell hard and lost so much, including my career, my home, and my car. I lost everything I ever had, including my independence. There’s nothing worse than being a thirty-seven year old living with his parents. (I know there are worse things. I’m being hyperbolic. Calm down.)
Here’s the silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud. I met some very cool people, one’s who share my love of writing. I’ve gotten to interact with bloggers from around the country, and around the world. I’ve even followed my dream of writing a book. I’m still in the process of getting published, but it’s in the works!
Just as important, being unemployed and moving home afforded me the opportunity to go back to college. I’ve wanted to do so for thirteen years, and now it’s done. For you who said to me that good can come out of bad, you were right. You can stop gloating now.
I wonder what this next year will bring. I’m hopeful that I will make positive changes in my life, ones that will lead me to a better place, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m still struggling with my self-esteem, but there are some good things happening.
I hope this will be the last time I talk about my divorce. The time has come to stop looking backwards and to start focusing on the future. It’s a scary time, but also exciting. I get to start over with my life, and maybe now with some experiences, I can make some better choices.
On Friday, I will post a short story that I wrote last month since I will probably be busy most of the day. On Monday, in lieu of a post, I may put up a picture gallery of my graduation, and my family-only party on Saturday.
“It’s not the mountain we conquer but ourselves”