Today Senator Gus Oldman (D – Calif) has filed a bill to make possession of any length of rope longer than six inches, without a license, a Class A Felony. This comes on the heels of the April 22, 2038 mass hanging in San Francisco. Sen. Oldman was quoted as saying “This piece of legislation will ensure homicides by hanging will come to an end.”

Readers will remember that in 2021 Congress repealed the 2nd amendment making possessing of firearms illegal. Murders spiked inexplicably when many murderer disregarded the change in Federal law and the general population was unable to defend themselves.

By 2027 most guns had been confiscated and destroyed, criminals turned to knives and in 2028 knives were outlawed, leading to the pre-cut vegetable and meat industry. The Food Cutting Union has stated this was a boon to the industry. Food prices did spike uncontrollably, and have yet to stabilize.

In addition, all sharp and pointed implements have been outlawed. Amateur carpentry is still reeling as they are unable to practice their trade. Home Improvement centers have been shuttered as there is no point to them since people are now unable to possess most tools. Blunt instruments are currently being studied to see if it will be feasible to ban. On an unrelated tangent, unemployment rose to 34% after the latest rounds of bans.

This of course has led to the secession of the South, except for Florida, most of the mid-west and central time zone, except for Chicago, and West Virginia.

The U.S. is currently engaged in peace treaty talks with Canada. Our northern neighbors invaded after the U.S. outlawed matches as they posed a serious fire threat. President Walton, of the Federal Union of States has said that with the current state of affairs in the U.S., Haiti could invade and Washington would have no choice but to surrender because they have outlawed all weapons. North Korea has called the debacle the best thing to happen since The U.S. banned the Republican Party.

As always, we will keep you informed as to the next round of banned products.

FUS News Wire Copyright 2038.