English: rose bunch, (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must confess to you that I am in love. I have finally found a woman who has piqued my interest. The way she looks, the way she moves, the way she is fascinates me in such a profound manner. To tell you the truth, I never believed I would feel this way again

But first a bit of an admission. I’ve been through this before so I know I’m not really in love. What I am is infatuated, hopelessly and secretly infatuated with her. There’s no point in actually committing myself to this, neither by telling her nor by writing about it, but I like to write, and this is something to write about it.

And so here we are.

So why her and why the infatuation?  I’m glad you asked! To make this easier, I will enumerate my reasons for you. I could do a graph, but I don’t know who and I’m too lazy to learn.

1. Let’s start physical. She’s tall. Taller than me. At least two to three inches taller than me, and that’s kinda hot. 
2. She’s thin, graceful, almost like a dancer, a ballerina perhaps. A lithe beauty that glides with purpose and ease.
3. She beautiful. Her features are a bit angular, but there’s a studiousness there that’s hypnotic. Complete the picture with a pair of glasses that she wears and presto! a sexy librarian with a hint of the vixen in her smoldering eyes. (Note: I haven’t really seen her eyes “smolder”. Just being overly descriptive.)
4. She’s intelligent. She reads, she writes, she’s speaks in complete sentences that actually makes sense. She’s someone with whom I know I can have carry a conversation and have it be about something.
5. She’s actually real in a tangible way. What I mean is that she’s someone I know, and not some fantasy out of…, well…, let’s move on.

What I figured out is why I’m attracted to her, I mean other than the obvious reasons that I stated above. They do play into it, however. She’s completely unlike the woman I married, and later divorced. She’s the anti-ex, if you will. I don’t mean to sound as though I’m bashing anyone, but, if I do? Oh well!

So why not give it a try? There are several reasons, some which I will not divulge, but I’ll give you a few. One, right now it’s all about me. I’m working on me, improving me, for my own sake. I have no time to waste on others. Until I feel as though I have gotten to a point where I am comfortable about where I am and who I am, I don’t need to waste neither my time nor her’s.

I don’t want to stick around here. I’m hoping to move back to where I feel comfortable, and it’s not here. Why get involved with someone for merely a brief fling? I’m not that kind of guy. I’m the kind of sincere guy girls lie about wanting. Lying bitches.

I’m not entirely sure I even want to waste my time with another woman. At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a decent woman around anymore. It seems to me that the women that seem to interest me are only interested in the jackasses they spend all their time complaining about. I’m too old for that shit. I don’t want to be punished because some other guy treated her badly. I don’t want to be someone’s second/last choice. If I’m not good enough to be your first choice you’re not worth my time

Sorry, sorry. Kinda went off a bit. I have some issues.

I don’t want want to go out with someone just because they are the complete opposite of someone else. That’s not fair. I should want to go out with someone because I’m interested in them for them, not out of a sense of karmic vindictiveness. I’m pretty sure if i did it would end badly. For me. Again.

My last reason? Oh she’s totally out of my league. No seriously, there’s no way I could ever have a chance with her. This isn’t modesty or me being pessimistic, just realistic. Maybe once I settle down I’ll find someone I can actually have a real connection. It just ain’t this woman. Trust me, if you knew who, you’d be like, “Yeah, you have no chance buddy. Here have a…” Let’s move on again, shall we?

This being said, if the opportunity came up to date this woman, would I consider it? Um…yeah! Why wouldn’t I? (See list above.) But in all seriousness, I got to get me in order. Maybe when I turn 50 I’ll be ready, but with my luck I wouldn’t count on it.