Short Story: In love with Bella

He knew it was pointless to check, but Guy couldn’t help himself. It seemed that all power to resist had been stripped from him, and all he could do was submit to an impulse that robbed him all hope of joy from his life.

Guy opened up his laptop, logged back into his Facebook, and searched for her. Bella was unlike all the other girls he had known in his life, all the girls that he ever dated. Not that those girls weren’t beautiful in their own way, but Bella was different, special in some undefinable way. She had a way of making him smile, of coaxing his better nature out of him. She also exposed the worst in him as well.

Her profile came up, and he sighed as he caressed her photo on the screen, wishing it was her face instead of the cold pixels in front of him. Guy wanted nothing more than to kiss her lips, to hold her against him, to feel her warmth against his skin. All he wanted was for Bella to love him as much as he loved her.

As if! She barely registered his existence, unless she needed something from him. Twenty years removed from the hell that consumed him in high school, and somehow she transported him back to those days. The same feelings on inadequacy, of being duped to do what ever she needed on the thin, unlikely chance that she might grace him with her presence.

He berated himself, of course, knowing that he had no chance in hell of securing even a lunch date. He wasn’t her type. She preferred tall and handsome men, athletic with an alpha personality. Guy was short and insecure, not ugly per se, but just not classically attractive. He was average to the point of being invisible.

“I love you,” he scoffed at the unhearing screen, lamenting his bad luck in having met her. No hope existed but he remained helplessly enthralled by her grace and her poise. He loved the way she smiled, and the way her eyes lit up when ever she saw him. Then again, she lit up when ever she got her way, and she knew how to make him do anything she needed.

Cursing his weakness, he closed his laptop as his cell phone rang. With a glance, he saw that Helena was calling, another one of his co-workers. “Hey,” he answered unenthusiastically. “What’s up?”

“Oh, not much,” came the nervous response. “I was just wondering, you know if you’re not busy, if-you’d-like-to-join-us-at-the-movies,” Helena sped through the invite. “I mean, not like a date, really. Just some of us from work are going, and I thought maybe you’d like to come.”

“I don’t know,” Guy said as he rubbed his temple. “I’m kind of tired.”

“I understand,” Helena replied, trying not to sound disappointed. “Bella’s not going to be there, so I didn’t think you would go. I just hoped you’d come with me, well I mean us, any ways, but it’s cool. I – I guess I’ll see you at work?”

“Yeah, probably.” Guy set the phone down, not giving Helena another opportunity to say anything. She was cute in her own way, and probably a better match for him, but she was no Bella, and she probably wouldn’t give him the time of day. She deserved better than him anyhow.

A few minutes later his phone rang again. Praying that it wasn’t Helena again, he checked and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Bella’s name on the screen. “Hello?”

“Um, hey Guy!” Bella said in the overly cheery voice she used when she wanted something from him. “You busy tonight?”

“What? Me?” He laughed. “Nah. I’m just chilling at home. What you need?”

“I need a big favor.”

“Anything!”

“Mark from Electronics just called and asked me out at the last minute. I was hoping you could watch my son for a few hours. We’re just going to have a few drinks, maybe grab a bite to eat. We shouldn’t be out too late. I have to work in the morning.”

“Oh, I suppose,” he agreed, the small bubble of hope that had risen in his chest bursting. He chided himself for even entertaining the illusion that she had called for anything more than that.

“You’re a doll! I’ll drop him off in about an hour. I totally owe you. I haven’t forgotten that we’re supposed to grab drinks after work. You did ask and I said yes. Remember?”

“Oh, I remember. Last fucking year,” he added quietly. Bella got off the phone, leaving him to feel more like floor mat than a man. If only he had taken Helena’s offer to go to he movie, but no. It didn’t matter anyway. Bella owned him and they both knew it. He cursed himself for being a pushover but what could he do? He was in love.


Short Stories

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La Vie En Rose

I just wanted to say Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you, especially the lonely and the unrequited lovers among us. There’s a lot of pressure to be in a relationship, especially on this Hallmark Holiday. Still, I feel the angst as well. I’m only human.

I want to share this song, one because it’s awesome, and two because it’s a nice arraignment by a talented singer. I actually bought and downloaded this to hear on my drive to work. I’m a romantic at heart and unrequited love seem to be my forte.

C’est l’amour!

…though hope I have forsaken

I wrote this a few months ago, and posted it on a different blog. I thought I’d share it here, just for the hell of it.


There’s a girl – there’s always a girl – flitting in the periphery of my consciousness. Beautiful and transcendent, the desire of my lonely heart. I yearn for her, I ache for her, and see myself falling for her.

Falling…

falling…

falling….

But…

…all I see is pain in my future because of her.
A girl like her never falls for a guy like me.
I’m being assaulted by those around me.
“She wants you to ask her out,” they cry.
“Why haven’t you asked her out?”

But can they know the truth? That I cannot dare to hope? That kind of hope is seductive, but ultimately it kills the soul. I refuse to surrender myself to that masochism. Pain has stolen enough from me. Once more, and there won’t be anything left of me but a withered husk to be blown away by the wind, destined to be forgotten by all, especially she whom commands my desire.

And I cry in the late night vigil, weeping for a love that I’m unable to give, a love that exists solely in the state of what if.

Perhaps I’m nothing more than a coward and deserve nothing better than to become embittered by loneliness, ravaged by time until I’ve forgotten tenderness and emotion, only to die as I’ve always feared, utterly alone.

For what is love without risk?

Joy without pain?

Hope without disappointment?

But I’ve grown timid is my despair, unable to open myself to the possibility, unable to see anything other than failure, and beyond that, oblivion.

I wish to sleep, to forget my troubles in the comfort of my dreams, but I will not be comforted. Not in this. She haunts me and all I want is to rest. Rejecting her may be my greatest folly, but I see no other way.

You see…

I cannot be hurt again. One more would will be the end of me, and she hasn’t earned the right for me to risk annihilation. If this be a test, I know I’ve failed.

But yet I live, though hope I have forsaken.


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