Author Archives: Joe Hinojosa

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About Joe Hinojosa

Official account of a writer in potentia. Blogger, student, bibliophile and novice book reviewer.

Lazy Day

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It’s a bit of a lazy snow day. I haven’t done much except had breakfast, finished reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and written a few simple book reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. I wrote my most scathing review to date. Want to see it? Okay, since you asked.

This is what I had to say about Home Depot: Profiles in Courage…

“Poorly written collection of stories that came across as a bitter ad hominem attack on people the author didn’t like. The book is neither clever nor humorous and was a complete waste of money. Do yourself a favor and steer clear.”

That’s the entirety of the review. It wasn’t eloquent of well written, but it is the truth. And I’m worried that my writing is bad!

What it did do is make me more determined to write a good story, write it well, and make it something people will want to read and share. That’s my goal. I know I repeat it a lot, but I have to pump myself up. In my head I hear Rob Schneider’s character from The Water Boy, “You can do it!”

A snow day is just a reading day

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Looks like I may be snowbound in the morning. Even if I’m not, I have no intentions of leaving the house. Tomorrow will be a day just to relax and maybe do a little reading for myself. I don’t have, or maybe it’s truer to say that I don’t take, the time to read anything just for the pure enjoyment of reading. It’s become a chore to read and that’s a shame.

Yesterday, I made it to the book store. Maybe I should back up a little. Last week I went to the local Barnes & Noble for attend an A.G. Howard book signing for Ensnared. While I waited for the signing to start, I browsed the selection available, and I found The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I have to admit I’ve watched the movie but I never read the books. The horror!

Also catching my eye was a book by Guy Consolmagno, SJ* and Paul Mueller, SJ entitled Would You Baptize an Extraterrestrial? …and Other Observations from the Astronomer’s In-box at the Vatican Observatory. I’ve come across Br. Consolmagno on several science shows on Discovery. I have always found what he has to say to be illuminating.

As a lover of fiction and fantasy, I knew I needed to buy The Hitchhiker’s Guide…, but as a Catholic myself, and one that has an interest in science, Would You Baptize an Extraterrestrial? also piqued my interest. At the time, I didn’t have any money to spare, and the little money I couldn’t spare was spent buying a copy of Ensnared to be signed.

Which brings me to yesterday. I had some time to burn, so I went back to B&N to browse and kill some time. I found The Hitchhiker’s Guide..., and I decided to buy it. I chose to wait until payday to the other book, but I had to buy a second book, reasonably priced. Since I’ve been wanting a new copy of it, I bought myself The Hobbit.

I’m almost done with Douglas Adams’ novel. I’ll probably finish it tonight. I may or may not read The Hobbit. I’ve read it so many times already. I do have other books on my too read pile so I have plenty to read, regardless. Either way, I plan to enjoy my day off and allow myself to disappear into another world for a few hours. It’s a nice way to get out of my own skin and into an adventure, all without leaving the comforts of home.

Now that I think about it, that sounds rather Hobbitish, and perhaps that’s not a bad thing. But I do have a rather Tookish desire for real adventure, just not enough to brave the cold and the snow.

 

*Society of Jesus, commonly known as the Jesuits.

Book Review: Quarter Past Midnight

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quarterImagine a life where every debauchery you desire is available to you, safely and discreetly, for a fee. Oral sex by women young enough to be your granddaughter? No problem. Love life feeling a little stale and you want to spice things up outside the marriage? It’s all yours, if you desire, and no one need know of our predilections. Your reputation safe.

This is the world C.J. Asher brings to life in his novel, Quarter Past Midnight. Kate is a young woman in between jobs, who as a last resort begins to work as a dancer at Silhouettes, a popular Philadelphia gentleman’s club. Not quite earning enough to cover her expenses, she desperately spends her free time looking for a full-time job in the accounting field. That all changes with a recommendation from her boss.

She is introduced to Gretchen, a reclusive entrepreneur, who caters to her client’s baser needs. Gretchen operates a lingerie shop for wealthy clientele who might other wise not wish to be seen entering a sexual-oriented business. Behind the scenes, she realizes the elite’s fantasies, creating any scenario her customers require.

She hires Kate as an assistant, first to inventory lingerie, but soon introduces her to the seedier, and decidedly illegal, aspect of her business. When an unexpected tragedy happens, Kate is caught between leaving the life behind or becoming further entangled in the business. She can walk away or accept the risk, and the potentially lucrative rewards thereof. But first she has to decide, and then convince a reluctant clientele to accept her. As stake is a potential fortune and her life is at risk should she fail.

Quarter Past Midnight is an intriguing read. It deals with human sexuality, and the currency that sex elicits from able. Sex sells, and the idea that people often profit from the sale of fantasies makes most people uncomfortable. But it’s available, from adult book stores, to strippers and gentleman’s clubs, to the proliferation of adult sites on the web, sex is big business. Too often it’s a business fraught with legal and personal risks.

That’s why I like the idea of a ringmaster such as Gretchen, who pulls together elaborate fantasies for her clients. There’s intrigue as to whether Kate can learn the business and manage to keep it running. There’s also a question of motives from the other players involved, from Gretchen, Alan the accountant, and Gretchen’s’ sister.

I found the story to be entertaining and suspenseful. The sex scenes added enough spice to the book without becoming gratuitous. The protagonist’s journey from a rookie dancer trying to find some semblance of control to a woman willing to risk all for the opportunity to become her own woman was enthralling.

All in all, it is a great read and I give it a solid four star rating.

List of Book Reviews
Next review –  The Dreamt Child
Previous Review – 41: A Portrait of My Father

Short story: Revenge is but a game

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Natalie absent-mindedly stirred her martini before pulling out the skewer and eating the olive. Her eyes were locked onto her friend who sat uncharacteristically quiet. After a few more minutes, the silence got to her and she blurted out, “Is this why you asked me out for cocktails, to sit in awkward silence all night?

“Hmm?” Ana said, looking confused for a moment before clearing her head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m just lost in a fog.”

“You don’t say.” Natalie grinned. in spite of feeling annoyed at her friend, she allowed Ana the luxury of revealing her thoughts in her time. She had always been patient when ever Natalie needed to vent. She owed it to her friend to be patient.

“So there’s this guy…,” Ana began.

“Oh!” Comprehension dawning, Natalie leaned in and teased, “So you finally found a guy you like? I thought you gave up on men after you left Chad.”

“No, I loathe him,” Ana replied, much to Natalie’s surprise, “and I need him to fall in love with me.”

“What…, wait, what?! Natalie asked, uncertain if she had understood her correctly.

“I want him to fall deeply and helplessly in love with me.”

Trying to make sense of the utterly insane, she finished the last of her martini in one gulp and asked the bartender for another. Maybe being out-and-out drunk would help her process the logic behind the statement.

“You, Ana, who swore off guys and have only bedded the occasional woman, want a man to fall in love with you? What the fucking hell crazy shit is that? I can’t…I mean… you and him…, I…, what the fuck, man?

“I can see you’re having a hard time figuring this out.”

“Well, no shit, Sherlock! It’s not like you’ve given me a hell of a lot of clues to work this out with. And thank you, Ernesto,” she turned to the hot bartender, her eyes working their way down his back side – what I’d give to spank that ass! – before realizing Ana was rolling her eyes at her. “What? It’s polite to say thank you.”

“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” Ana shook her head at her. “Like I was planning on saying before you interrupted me…. Will you stop looking at his ass!” Ana said louder than she had intended, causing everyone at the bar, including a slightly embarrassed, but admittedly pleased looking Ernesto who gave Natalie a wink before turning to give a guy his beer and a high-five.

“Sorry, Captain Subtlety. Please continue.”

“You remember my roommate Lucy?”

“The socially shy bookworm with low self-esteem and anxiety issues but who somehow possesses the kind of body I would kill for? I vaguely remember her.”

“She was dating a guy…”

“Finally getting some. Good for her!”

“…who turned out to be a jack-ass.” Ana continued, ignoring the interruption. “He totally made a pass at me, in front of Lucy. She was devastated.”

“Total douchebag. Never liked him.”

“Lucy kicked him out, but he somehow has my number and he’s been texting me, trying to get me to go out with him. I finally said yes.”

“But what would Lucy do if she found out.”

“She’s the one who convinced me to do it.”

“I don’t think this martini is going to help. She downed her drink and coughed. “Otro martini, por favor,” she said in a very white accent.

“Lucy wants revenge, and she’s convinced that I’m the one to do it.”

“So the plan is to make him fall in love with you, and then what? Dump him?”

“Something like that. We want to humiliate him and totally emasculate him for what he did to poor Lucy. She deserves better than the few jerks she’s managed to find over the years.”

“And getting revenge for yourself never crossed your mind?” Natalie asked shrewdly.

“Me get revenge? That’s absurd! He hurt Lucy, not me!”

“No, but revenge on men, any man. I don’t believe for a moment you enjoy dating women. When you do go out, it ends up being platonic most of the time. When you do end up in bed, it’s because you had a couple of drinks too many. No, you haven’t given up on men, per se, but rather you’re trying not to get hurt again.”

“Who’s being absurd now?”

“Still you,” Natalie replied. “Hey, if you want to make this guy your bitch, I’m behind you all the way. I hate it that girls like Lucy get run over all the time by assholes like him. I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. In spite of your crusty exterior, you’re a bit of a romantic and totally waiting for your prince. Just be careful, okay?”

“Sure,” Ana said. “Maybe we should let it go, huh?”

“You should, but maybe – and this may be the drink talking – but maybe there’s a way to humiliate him without resorting to making him fall in love with you.”

“Well,” Ana smiled mischievously, “he did send Lucy a rather compromising photo of himself, and she forwarded it to me.”

“Do tell?”

“It involves him, buck naked, with what can be described as a less-than-impressive endowment.”

“I like where this is heading. Are you suggesting we post it online?”

“Why not? Men are always posting revenge porn pics of their exes? Why can’t we?”

“Because it’s morally reprehensible, that’s why, so we better do it before I sober up and officially know better. Do you have his picture? I’d like to see what he has?”

“Sure, here it is,” Ana deadpanned as she handed Natalie her cellphone.

“Let’s see this guy tiny…OH MY GOD! THAT’S MY DAD!” Natalie yelled as she threw Ana’s phone back at her.

“Revenge, bitch!” Ana laughed maliciously. “That’s what you get for getting me drunk and having my make out with my cousin in the dark! I told you I’d get you back!”

“You did,” Natalie moaned, the image of her naked father scaring her psyche. “Maybe I’ll make you sleep with your mother.”

“Nope. I think we should agree that the whole incest angle should be retired before one of us ends up giving birth to our own sibling.”

“Agreed, besides, I have something even more evil planned.”

“We already agreed nothing illegal.”

“Well, drats. Then I’m out of ideas. You win.”

“Good. I guess that means you have to do my laundry for a month?”

“Best two out of three?”

“I don’t think so,” Ana laughed. “I won fair and square. We can start a new game next month, once my laundry is done. For now, I think I’ll savor my win and gloat. Ernesto? Dos tequilas and your phone number for the lady. I think she deserves a consolation prize.”

Short Stories

Next story – On the losing end
Previous story – The Cheater

Short Story: The Cheater

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“Can I come over?”

That was the last thing Lizza had expected to hear from her ex-husband, a man who spent their entire marriage cheating on her, the last time with her friend in her own bed.

“Why the hell should I let you?” Lizza asked. “We’re over. You chose that skank over me. What ever problem you’re having, I want none of it. I’m done with your drama.”

“Please, Liz-bear?” He begged. “For old times sake?”

In spite of the indignation coursing through her, hearing his old pet name for her thawed her otherwise chilly feelings for him and she relented. “Fine, but no funny business.”

“Thanks, Liz. I’ll see you in fifteen.”

Fifteen minutes? She wondered. Is he already on his way here? She didn’t wait to consider it much more because her apartment was a mess, and she didn’t want him to see just how far she had let herself go. After a quick cursory sweep though the living room, she changed into something a little more appropriate than a short pair of shorts and a tank top.

Twenty minutes later, she heard a knock at the door. She waited for him to knock again before opening the door. “Hey,” she greeted him disinterestedly.

“Hey to you too,” he grimaced. “Thanks for seeing me.”

“Whatever,” Lizza shrugged. “Not to be rude,” she said as she closed the door, “but what the hell do you want?”

“You’re not at least going to invite me to sit?”

“I don’t want you to think you’re welcome here,” she retorted, “but what the fuck, make yourself comfortable.”

“Thanks.” He maneuvered awkwardly around his ex since she refused to budge and got comfortable on the futon. “This is cozy. I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“Seriously, I’m not up to idle chit-chat. What do you want?”

“Right,” he grew serious and cleared his throat. “Lizza, I made a mistake…”

“No, don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Whatever it is you’re doing, just don’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Oh spare me,” Lizza spat. “I gave you the best years of my life, and for what? To see you time and again fooling around my back? I put up with it once, but I won’t be your fool again.”

“Sandy’s pregnant,” he blurted out in obvious distress.

“So?”

“So? She doesn’t know who the father is, only that it’s not me. She made get a vasectomy before we could…”

“I don’t need the particulars,” Lizza stopped him, a look of revulsion on her face. “Why should I care?”

“Because I get it. I understand now what I did and how I wronged you. I understand the hurt I caused you and I want a chance to make amends. I want a chance to be the man, to be the husband you needed me to be.”

“No,” Lizza shook her head sadly, “you want the chance to reclaim your manhood, but I’m not giving you that chance.”

“But why?”

“Because I’ve moved on.”

“You call this moving on?

“I do,” Lizza responded defiantly. “You broke me, shattered me into a million little pieces, or at least I thought you did, but I pulled myself together. I realized that I let myself be defined by you, by our marriage, by your need to control me and your need to satisfy yourself with all those girls you chose to screw behind my back.”

“But…,”

“No. I’m done listening to you. Yeah, I don’t have much,” Lizza glanced around at her sparse surroundings, “but I have everything I need. I’m taking care of myself for the first time in my life, and you know what I found out?”

“No, what?”

“That I can do it. I can be independent. I can take care of myself, and I don’t need a man to do everything for me. I don’t need to have to take care of anyone, either. It’s just me and I’m loving the freedom I found when I left you. I can go out or stay in at my leisure. I can read in total silence, and I don’t have to wonder where you are or who you’re with.

“I loved you, or at least I thought I did, but I think I was just scared to be alone. It’s not that bad. In fact, it’s been a blessing. So, no. If you’re hoping for yet another chance, don’t bother. I’m sorry it’s not working out with Sandy, but she cheated on her husband to be with you. Why did you expect that she wouldn’t cheat on you?”

“That’s below the belt,” he pouted.

“No, it’s just the truth.” Lizza sat on the futon beside him and put her hand on his knee. “I wish I could say the pain goes away, but that feeling of being insignificant, of not being able to satisfy your partner might never go away. It hasn’t for me. You’re going to have to deal with it on your own. It’s not my responsibility to help you through it.”

“Fine,” he said in a resigned voice. “I knew it was a long shot to begin with.” He stood up and walked to the door. “I guess I’ll be seeing you?”

“Maybe, but not like this. I don’t want you to come crying to me when it doesn’t work out with one of your floozies. Good bye.”

She watched impassively as her ex walked out, slamming the door behind him. With him gone, she changed back into her skimpy outfit she had one before he called, pulled out a joint and lit it. Once she felt relaxed, she pulled out her phone and called her friend.

“Dante? It’s Lizza. You were right,” she laughed.” He came crawling back to me, just like you said he would. I told him I didn’t want him back. As for tonight, it’s still on. I never let my marriage to that joke get in the way of our fun time did I? No. Just make sure you and the guys are ready to have some fun. I’ll be over some time after dark, and hey, clean sheets this time, okay? Can’t wait. Bye!”

Short Stories

Next story – Revenge is but a game
Previous story – The Girl on Highway 287