Category Archives: Life

Life balance

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My grand plans for taking time to write took a back seat to going out to the driving range. I had fun, though I still had to do some work prior to having fun. My project to clean up a ’93 Chevy pick-up is taking up a lot of my time, though where we are at now, my brother is doing the bulk of the work. I’m no good with body work, and he is. It’s been a slow and tedious task, but I think the end result will be awesome.

More than the truck, we had to unload some housing materials from a trailer, which may not have taken too much time at around an hour and a half, but the 4×4’s and siding material we had to move were not light. At the end of the day, after doing some work on the truck, and moving materials around, I felt great. Physical labor is good for the soul, and as a reward, me and my brothers headed to the driving range to hit some golf balls.

First I should tell you about my golfing skills: I have none. My ex-wife’s father took me golfing a couple of times, as did her grandfather. I had fun, but that was almost nine years ago. Crap, I can’t believe it’s been that long. Wow! Considering her grandfather stopped golfing around four or five years ago, that’s how long it’s been since I’ve been out. To put it succinctly, I sucked. It was rather embarrassing, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t laugh. It’s okay if you do, I did.

I did manage a few impressive drives, but nothing spectacular. My longest was around 150 yds, which isn’t very impressive, but compared to the others which only went a few feet, then yeah, very impressive indeed. I may not be very good, but at least I went out there willing to look like a fool, and it was good exercise. I hope to go out again soon.

So once again I let life get in the way of some quality writing time, though I’m not complaining. I spent almost three years not living by hiding behind the keyboard as I mourned the state of my life. Even if things are not as great as I would like it to be, I can’t hide behind that fact, bemoaning that my the women who did me wrong so long ago are doing better than me, especially since I have no clue as to how they’re doing. They don’t even factor into the equation anymore, nor will they again.

That’s life, and I’m living it in my fashion. I haven’t given up writing, just putting it into perspective in respect to my life. If I could, I would love to make it my number one priority, but until it pays the bills it remains a hobby and a dream. I just have to remember how important this dream is so that I don’t lose sight of my goals.

I plan to stay up a little longer so that I can get some writing done. I have a few problems to figure out as to how I will resolve the story. It’s moving in the right direction and I mustn’t lose that focus. It’s all about balance between the two opposing forces in the story, just as it’s about balance between life as it is and life as I would like it to be.

To write is my dream and my passion, but not at the cost of having fun, nor should fun come at the cost of my writing. I’m trying to find my equilibrium again, and as I teeter back and forth trying to find that balance, I’ll occasionally miss the mark, but again that too is a part of life. It’s just the price of being alive.

What am I giving up for lent? No one likes a quitter!

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So today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of lent. Lent is a period of penance, of fasting, prayer, and an evaluation of one’s faith leading up to the biggest feast on the Christian calendar, Easter Sunday. Traditionally, Catholics and many other Christians give up something as a sacrificial offering.

So I’ll make do without sodas, but saying goodbye to my Dr Pepper will be difficult, Also sweets are a no-no, as is meat on Ash Wednesday and Fridays throughout the Lenten season. I might cheat on the sweets part since sometimes I need the sugar from a candy bar when I’m feeling weak. Should see a doctor about that one of these days.

There’s something else I want to do. Why should it be all about quitting something? I want to focus again on my writing like I had been. Not only on my blog, which I plan on setting up a schedule again, this time twice a week, but also on my book, which has lingered in limbo for far too long. Two thousand words a day is my goal starting today.

I also received some edits that I need to look through, which I will once they are all back. Then I may take a break again from writing and delve into editing again, but I have no time table set on that yet. I’ll let you know when I know something.

So I will start my day of penance and fasting. No meat for me, but that won’t be too hard. I can have fish and veggies. I’m not as picky as I used to be, and I’m rededicating myself to my writing, again.

Maybe it’s not exactly what the season is meant for, but I’m only a mortal. I do what I can with what I given. Regardless, this will be a sacrifice and one that I’ll do gladly. Well, not giving up my Dr Pepper. That really is a sacrifice. Pray for me!

To teach or not to teach…

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It’s so easy for time to slip through your fingers, especially when you have a decision you are grappling with. In my case, I’m trying to make more life-changing decisions and it’s not easy to make, mostly due to the time and financial requirements necessary to realize this decision.

I have begun considering joining an alternative certification program in order to earn a teaching certificate. There’s quite a few requirements that need to be met, ones that I need to spend time and money to achieve, but in the end will give me the ability to teach in the state of Texas and will get me halfway to a Masters of Arts in Teaching.

One thing that I must accomplish is pass the certification exam for the discipline I want to teach. I’ve given this some thought and I’m leaning towards English, though I wouldn’t mind becoming certified in History or Political Science.

Regardless, it’s still a monumental decision that I’ve yet to settle on completely. The thought of having to stand in front of a class scares me, and talking to people terrifies me, so what the hell am I thinking? All I know is that I hate what I’m doing and I would like to do something in which I can make a positive difference.

I’m looking into a career field that is neither lucrative nor much appreciated, but influences the minds of our youth. I have to make my mind up rather quickly so I can start making whatever preparations are necessary to begin this journey. I’m terrified, but not more so than staying where I am.

When I make up my mind, I’ll let you know, but for now, if you are so inclined to prayer, I ask that you do so. If you’re not, then I’ll accept positive thoughts, it’s the same to me.

The cardboard sign

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On my way to work yesterday, I happened upon a curious sign. I came across a panhandler on the side of the frontage road after I got off my exit. There, on the side of a busy intersection stood a relatively young man, with a beard and a wool a knit cap, holding a cardboard sign begging for money. What stood out to me was what he had written on the makeshift sign:

Ninjas kidnapped my wife. Need money for Kung Fu lessons.

I wish I would have had time to snap a picture of the guy and the sign, and I was tempted to spot him a few dollars just because the sign amused me. I didn’t give him anything, I was just tempted to do so. But the sign got me thinking about the improbability of the sign. What if his wife had really been abducted my ninjas, and what if he really needed to learn Kung Fu in order to save her?

It’s the ridiculousness of that thought that makes me want to laugh. There’s no way in hell his wife is being held hostage by a band of rogue ninjas, but the what if’s make me pause, if only for a moment.

When the light turned green, I continued on to my job, clocked in, and forgot about the panhandler at the intersection, but for a brief moment, it made me smile. I wonder if he’s homeless and begging to survive, if he’s mentally ill or otherwise incapable of holding down a job, or if he’s simply out there for the laughs. Now again, he gives me pause to think about the possibilities behind the cardboard sign.

I hope he is well.

 

Three years strong

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Me back in 2011.

Late last month, I let a milestone pass unobserved, not because I meant to, but rather because I completely forgot until after the fact. Three years ago last month, my then wife chose to runaway to move in with some guy she had never met in person, a guy she met online and talked on the phone behind my back.

I almost posted about it the next day but chose to let the past stay in the past, and to stop dwelling on things that I should forget about. And I did, until yesterday, when I logged onto my WordPress site and saw a notification that it had been three years since I had signed up for this blog, although I wouldn’t post my first blog, an observation about trying to find myself after a break-up, until the next day.

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Me today, playing with my Kindle. I’m not so good with the smiling, but I’m actually in a good mood.

I never thought I would still be on here, let alone with my own domain name, three years on, but I’m still here. I’m not posting as often as I had been, and I’m no longer obsessed with my stats, as in I want more page views, but I’m still here. My focus no longer is on my poor, sorrowful self. Bygones are just that, and I’m focusing my energies elsewhere.

So, in honor of my three-year anniversary, I want to share a few good things to have come out of the debacle of 2011.

  1. I finally escaped a toxic relationship. I know I’m not the only one to have found themselves stuck in an unhealthy relationship/marriage. We had problems from the beginning, but I did my best to stick it out. Not once did I engage in extramarital affairs, not that I was a perfect husband. Still, I stuck it out until she ran off. Then I found the strength to file for divorce. Had I not, I’m sure she would have tried to come back, again.
  2. I started this blog. More importantly, I began to write. What started out as an outlet to express my disappointment and the bitter pain that consumed me, over time morphed into a desire to write something more. I began a journey to fulfill a dream to become a published author, and though I’m not there yet, I’m still on the journey. I will publish a book!
  3. I met new friends. Through writing, and in particular though NaNoWriMo, I met an awesome set of people who supported me that first year, and who still support me via Facebook. I couldn’t have made it this far without the North Texas Rough Writers. (Don’t tell them that. They might get a big head.)
  4. I graduated college. After more than a decade of wishing I could find a way, I went back to school last spring to finish up my remaining hours. In August 2013, thirteen years after I dropped out, I finally earned my Bachelor’s Degree. Now I want another one, but one I can ACTUALLY put to use.
  5. I’ve spent time reconnecting with my family. I did so reluctantly at first, but I’m spending time with my parents, brothers, and sister for the first time in any meaningful way, now that we are all adults. I’ve rebuilt a large part of my childhood home, watching my nieces and nephews grow up, and actually met a new addition to the Hinojosa clan, a new niece born last month.

Sure, I few bad things have happened as well, but that’s life. The biggest change is that I’m working to see the good instead of dwelling on what’s bad. I’m looking to the future, and working to make that dream a reality. I have not artificial deadlines anymore. I’m trying to be realistic with myself, pushing myself to met my goals without imposing too strict a time frame. Maybe this time next year, we’ll revisit this and see how I’m doing.

Maybe…