Category Archives: Jasmine

What’s with the crickets?

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The final chapter has been dealt with, and I’m done. Walking away from the book. I can do no more! I’m happier with this ending so I’m glad I decided to rework it. There’s more of a finality to it than my first attempt which I like. Now I need some readers. Anyone up for it?

*Crickets chirping*

Oh, it’s like that? I’m not surprised. That’s fine. I have back up plans, which is to say I’ll make something up. I would have liked to have a few writers give me their take, but I’ll start with a few of my friends and hope someone says yes. Anyone?

*Crickets looking around awkwardly*

I think I need new friends.

C’est la vie!

I need an alpha…reader that is

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Okay, I’m almost done with my rewrites. That went faster than I had expected. Most of the changes happened in the middle of the book and there wasn’t a lot at the end that needed to be tweaked. I’m happy for it. I’m mulling changing the last chapter, however. I find that it’s not satisfying. It’s just flat.

For now, I’m sitting at 91,570 words, which surprises me since I’m not usually that wordy. I’ll get some feedback before I try to subtract from that total, though I don’t want to lose too much. I want to start looking for a few alpha readers. I desperately need some opinions as to whether the story works or not, what if any changes need to be done. I’m not looking for proofreading or editing work, just a general sense of what the reader takes away from it.

My feeling is I like the premise of the book, and I’m hoping my execution delivers. This all began as a short story back in 2012, which evolved to become that year’s NaNo. I’ve been tweaking it ever since. I’m ready to be done with it and let it out to the world. It’s part of me trying to let go. I want to publish it this year. I can do it. I will do it. I just don’t know how!

That’s okay. Let me work on the ending and if anyone wants to alpha read, let me know. I’m looking for no more than a couple of readers. You can either comment below or shoot me an email at joe@joehinojosa.com. Once I have that feedback, I’ll take your comments to heart, make any necessary corrections, then look for someone to proofread.

This is getting scary. Better not think too much more about it or I’ll get overwhelmed.

Feeling better

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It’s now the ninth of December, and whatever ailment that has kept me from doing anything meaningful is finally starting to wane. Thank you antibiotics! I was trying my best no to have to visit the physician, but come Sunday – a week after I started to become sick – and I could feel the junk building up in my chest. I knew that I had no choice but to go in and get myself checked out.

So my congestion is starting to clear up, I’m no longer coughing like a smoker hacking up a lung, and my voice is almost back to normal. It just sucks that I have to keep up the course of antibiotics until I’m done. Seven more days. Whoop-whoop! Now I can get back to what’s important and do nothing about writing until next week.

Well, not nothing. I’ve opened up my word file on Jasmine and I’ve started reading. I almost feel ready to tackle the second half of the book, rewriting what doesn’t work, and making the story a little stronger. I’m trying to make as few changes as possible because I quickly discovered what a fragile tapestry a story is. You pull one string and suddenly the whole narrative begins to unravel. It’s a little scary.

I’m going to sit back and start a little today. I work tonight and tomorrow night and then I will be back on days for good. I’ll be able to get into some loose rhythm, and maybe make some progress. At least that’s my hope. Then I’ll have a long weekend and I’ll head out of town, a trip that was beginning to look doubtful even a few days ago, and maybe I’ll feel relaxed and ready to tackle my goal.

The Jasmine-Giada Substitution

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I finally hit the point of collapse, at least as far as my story goes. When I last visited you, I shared an excerpt from the book I’m rewriting, which I’m calling Jasmine, but formerly called Unseen Obsession. I hate that title!

I’ve been doing some minor revisions in grammar, language, and spelling. I’ve cleaned up a few scenes, adding and subtracting as needed to ensure a coherent story line, but I’m not at a point where minor revisions become wholesale rewrites. As written, Jasmine is sent an envelope with white powder in it, which can only be assumed to be anthrax. So far so good. But then? Nothing. It turns out to be bogus and it disappears. There’s no point in having it in the story if there’s no real drama attached to it!

Either I have to ramp up the pressure to find out who’s behind the letter, or I need to make a substitution. My thought was to have a box rigged to look like a bomb. It’s kind of the same thing, but I avoid the whole bio-hazard angle. Trying to work that in is causing me headaches. I’ll still have to force the issue and have an investigator try to find who’s behind it, suspecting the whole time that it’s either Jasmine’s new love interest, a suspect in an unsolved crime, or a jealous ex that’s acting territorial.

I doubt I’ll figure this out by Friday and the beginning of NaNoWriMo. I’m not worried about it, but it would be nice to have that figured out before I jump into a new project. I briefly considered skipping NaNo this year, but I’ve enjoyed the challenge since 2011. I can’t just skip it. I think it’s fun, and good for me, too!

So I’ll work on Jasmine until the last minute before shelving it for Giada. Now that I’ve written that, it looks like I’m in some sort of love triangle. What the hell! Why not? If writing is my love, at least I have two women vying for my attention. I have other stories that also need some attention, but if I keep up this metaphor, I don’t think bringing up a priest or some teenage girls is the right thing to do. Honestly, it’s a little creepy. Not that I’m against creepy, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere, and I think I just crossed it.

Excerpt from Jasmine

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I’m working on doing some rewrites, and I came across this part. I really liked it and I wanted to share this excerpt with you guys. Enjoy!

~Joe~

“That totally wouldn’t happen,” Jacob argued.

“Why not?” Jasmine snapped back, annoyed by Jacob’s unwillingness to budge.

“A guy is not going to let a girl wax him, give him a pedicure, and none of that other nonsense,” he explained. “I know I wouldn’t.

Jasmine leaned back shaking her head in disbelief before taking a sip of her tea. They were discussing the movie they had just watched while they waited for their plates to be cleared. When they left the movie theater, they felt a little hungry so they decided to grab a quick bite before ending their date. Jasmine picked the movie, a romantic comedy which Jacob argued against its credibility.

“So,” Jasmine countered shrewdly, “suppose I wanted to give you a mani-pedi. Are you telling me you wouldn’t let me? Not even if I asked you nicely?” She ended her question with bad attempt at a pout which elicited a laugh from her date. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m just saying…”

“You’re saying what?”

“Pedi-mani’s…”

“It’s mani-pedi’s,” she corrected.

“…are not a thing men really think about,” he continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted.

“How about two girls at once? Is that realistic?”

“No, but it would be fantastic,” Jacob replied with a dreamy expression before noticing Jasmine’s incredulous look. “But no, it’s not realistic. It’s just a fantasy.”

“Isn’t it more likely that a girl could talk a guy into getting manicure.”

“You’re probably right,” he conceded sarcastically. “That’s a lot more likely.”

“Damn right I’m right,” Jasmine said with a self-satisfied smirk. “But honestly, you wouldn’t let me do your nails? They could use a little work you know.”

“If I were to say yes, could we change the subject?” He asked wearily. She nodded enthusiastically. With a sigh, he nodded his assent. “Fine. I might let you do my hands, but that’s it.”

“Good enough for me.”

“When are you planning on torturing me?”

“I never said I was going to do it. I just want you to let me do it.” Jasmine grinned happily.

Jacob groaned, chuckling under his breath. “You’re impossible.”

“I am not. And for that,” she said, plucking the check from their server, “I’m going to pay for dinner.”

“I think I like this punishment. Remind me to misbehave more often.” Jasmine rolled her eyes and once she received the receipt, they walked slowly back to the truck. “I had a good time,” Jacob said softly.

“Me, too,” she agreed. “It’s kinda nice to have someone to hang with.” Jacob raised his eyebrows at her statement, causing Jasmine to blush and try to backpedal. “I mean, not that we’re a couple, I’m just saying.”

“I know what you’re saying. I agree with you. I’m happy that we’re able to hang out together.”

“It’s been a long time, for me,” she admitted, her voice almost lost in the breeze. She stopped walking when they got the the truck. She leaned back on the truck, propped her foot on the tire, and glanced heavenward for a moment. “It’s been too long.”

“Yeah,” he answered simply, resting his elbows on the bed rails. For several minutes no one said anything. The only sounds that could be heard were from the vehicles driving by on the highway, and the occasional voice of some passerby. Jasmine began to shake when the wind picked up. Without a word Jacob took her into his arms, and she didn’t resist. She fell into his embrace, and she felt as though she belonged there.

“I fit perfectly,” she laughed shyly.

“Yeah you do,” he agreed. Jacob hesitated for a second, then when Jasmine looked up, he took his chance. He bent slightly forward and kissed her. Only a small peck at first to gauge her response. She moved her head back in surprise for a second, before moving in to kiss him back. This time they kissed a little longer.

“I like you, Jacob,” she confessed. “I know I shouldn’t say anything yet. It’s too soon. I’m sorry.” She broke away, feeling embarrassed that she allowed herself to admit something like that so soon.

“I like you, too,” he responded, seriously. “You don’t need to feel sorry.”

Jasmine turned around to face him, but kept her head down. “I’m just scared. Last time I got hurt, pretty bad, and I haven’t gotten to a place where I can trust a guy, or anyone for that matter, again. Letting you in is forcing me to choose between trust and fear, and it’s scary.”

“I know it’s scary, but it’s also fun. It’s been a while for me, too. All I know is that whatever this is between us, I’m liking it and I don’t want it to end.”

“Me either,” she agreed.

“Okay,” he said understandingly. “Look, I’m not going to force the issue. We’ve only gone out for a few dates, so why are we having the conversation now? Let’s relax and see what happens. No point in moving too quickly.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I wish I would have waited to open up.”

“No, I’m glad you did. I just wish I had the courage to bring it up first. But now it’s out in the open, and we both like each other, so we’re good. Let’s just see where we go from here.”