Maybe I’ll try camping

CNW_Participant_Twitter.jpegI haven’t given Camp NaNoWriMo much thought this time around. I usually don’t, truth be told. It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s that I typically fail miserably, unlike the full NaNo during November. Won every year since I started, back in 2011. Aren’t I awesome? (Blushes)

In all seriousness, I have a project I would like to finish, and I’ve been working on it sporadically, and I would love to muscle my way to the end. I’m hoping Camp NaNo will give me that last little boost I need to reach my goal. Currently I’m at 31,898 words, and though my ultimate goal is 75K words, I’m shooting for a Camp goal of 25k words. I’m hoping to surpass that goal, but I don’t want to push myself to exhaustion. Once a year is enough for that!

The project I’m working on is a project I’ve been trying to get right for ages. I’ve written and rewritten it several times, but I just can’t seem to get it right. I think I’m finally on the right track this time, having to change my character a bit. I think I tried to shoehorn my main character into a role that just wasn’t her.

So I’ve got a lot written already, but I’m hoping to get myself set up to reach the end of this one. I’m going to have to set aside some time to write, and though it’s not going to be easy, I know it’ll be worth it in the end.

No NaNo for me

It’s July 1st, and another Camp NaNoWriMo has begun, without me. I know you are all so disappointed. Okay, I doubt anyone cares. I know I don’t. As militant as I have been in the past about NaNoWriMo, I just haven’t been able to muster any level of enthusiasm for Camp NaNo. Oh, I’ve tried to participate several times, but I seem to lose steam and interest. I just don’t feel as passionate about it as I do the main event in November.

I think part of the reason stems from the amount of time and energy it takes to sit and write. I spend 10 hours a week driving to and from work. I’m so exhausted after a long day, and I’m usually bombarded with other things that distract me from sitting down and writing. I miss having time to myself to write. I want to sit and write, without distraction, without anybody disturbing me, needing me to do something, anything for them. I need my own place, closer to work would be preferable.

Until then, I’ll make do. I wonder if I should give up the idea of publishing and simply write for the enjoyment. I don’t know if that would make me happy. I want to be read, even if only by a small audience. Nope, I need to write with publishing as my goal. I’ve been so inconsistent with my goal that it may take a small miracle to actually get it done.

When I first started writing, back at the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, I had a fire smoldering within me, a desire to prove that I had some inherent worth. I needed to write as an act of revenge. Now, I don’t have that motivation. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone, but I do want to prove to myself that I can do it.

While I may not be participating in Camp NaNo, I’m still quietly working away at my own leisure. I’m having to make peace with the idea that I may never put myself out there, but the dream still lingers, and as long as it does, maybe I’ll find a way to cross that finish line.

My Camp NaNo Update – Um..yeah

Camp NaNoWriMo is down to its last three days? How have you fared? I’m in a full blown panic even though I set a very modest 10k word goal. I’m at 4100. Yeah, I suck. I never do well in the summer. I’m too easily distracted.

That’s no excuse, however, and I vow to win this by any means necessary! Well, I’ll just write until my fingers fly off. Seriously, only about 2k words a day. It’s totally doable. I just have to sit and write.

Well, after The Big Bang Theory goes off. I need my comedy fix to lift my spirits. My goal is to pass the 6k word mark before bed.

On this holiday weekend…

Happy 4th of July! Yes, in spite of the fact that I work at a retail store, on that is open today, I somehow managed to get the day off! I’m not going to complain. I’m elated to have a day to relax at home, spend some time with family, and just be an all out bum.

Actually, I did do a little work today. I cooked the obligatory holiday meal. I braised some ribs in the oven, though I lit the grill to cook out some chicken breasts and sausages. That, with coleslaw, mashed potatoes, and some avocado rounded out our small feast. I’m stuffed. I really want a nap.

Instead I’m writing. My story for NaNoWriMo is taking shape, though it is slowly doing so. I should be more diligent in writing, but I can’t. That’s why the low word goal. I may have to up the goal to 25K words, but I’ll decide that later, and I may do that for myself and leave the set goal at 10K. I’m not even sure I can change it.

On a more serious note, I want to take some time and do a quick Public Service Announcement. Please take care this 4th of July weekend. Remember that traffic with be heavier than usual, so please, please, please keep an eye out for other drivers, and please don’t drink and drive.

The reason I bring this up, last night I went to Plainview to grab a few things from Walmart. As I drove home, I passed a horrifying scene on the access road to I-27. At the on ramp, I saw two vehicles that had been in a front-end collision. I could not count the number of first responders on the scene, but the flashing lights only hinted at the severity of the accident.

A hospital helicopter landed moments before I passed the scene, undoubtedly to fly the more severely injured to Lubbock. Helpless in the situation, all I could do was say a quick prayer for the victims of the crash, and selfishly hope that I didn’t know the victims of the car crash. My prayers were answered, sort of.

I found out later last night that one person had been pronounced dead at the scene. This morning I found out that the deceased was the older sister of a classmate of mine from high school. How do you process this? I’m glad I wasn’t affected but sorry you were? I felt my heart sink because someone I knew ages ago would be experiencing a terrible ordeal this holiday weekend.

So while I may have had a delicious meal this evening, and while I may have spent the time with family, I know of at least on family impacted by a devastating event. I’m sure scores of others with share in the misfortune before this weekend is over.

Please take care while having fun. Spend time with family and friends. Shoot off fireworks and illuminate the night sky. Most of all, just be safe.

Impossible standards

Welcome to day 2 of Camp NaNoWriMo! How are you doing? I’m up to 1023 words, though I have yet to write today. I plan to write a bit after I’m done with my brief update.

I’m not far enough in to make any judgments, but It’s hard not to be judgmental about my own writing. It’s CRAP!!! Okay, probably not, but what I find so damn frustrating about writing is having a clear idea of what I want to say and then failing to do so. Again, I haven’t written enough to feel that way, but I already do, of course. Am I alone in feeling this way?

I’m overreacting. I should let go and let the story evolve as it will, but I can’t. I want it to be the way I mean it to be! Also, I want to write a perfect copy, one that needs no proofreading or editing. Perhaps another sign of my lunacy?

By the time I write my final line, I’m sure I’ll be simultaneously elated and horrified by the results of my labor. I’ll feel pride that I wrote this particular work while feeling ashamed that I haven’t lived up to my impossible standards. Surly, you understand. It’ll be fine. I just have to remember to type away and worry about cleaning up my writing once I’m done.

Before I get off for the night, I just want to add that I finished The Ship, by Allan Krummenacker, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts with you. I urge you to check out my review for The Bridge, before my next review goes live on Monday.